While cross training recently I had a sweet fresh white belt cozy up beside me as I sat between matches. I asked her if she wanted to roll and she eagerly agreed. She mentioned was happy I asked her because she said she knew that she wasn’t supposed to ask a black belt to roll. In my humble opinion, of all the various traditions to which a gym may adhere this one may be the most detrimental to the women who train.
Why You shouldn’t ask a black belt to roll
Before we dive into the reasons why you SHOULD ask a black belt to roll lets investigate a few reasons why you might opt not to.
- You prioritize tradition over all the things. If you train at a gym that emphasizes authoritarian traditions you may be singled out for punishment or ostracized for not following the ‘rules’. If it’s the only gym in town you may not have other options.
- You carry a deep sense of inadequacy or are self-deprecating. If sacrificing your own improvement for the benefit of others on your team is what makes you feel good about yourself then you do you. Or you could just be a door mat.
- You value safety over pushing outside your comfort zone. Rolling with new people can be scary and could leave you feeling defeated. We all want to walk away with the ability to work the next day. Sometimes sticking with trusted training partners is absolutely the safest thing to do.
my Jiu Jitsu Faux Paux
One night after class many years ago my husband (who had grown up in martial arts) informed me that lower ranks weren’t supposed to ask higher ranks to roll. I immediately thought back to all those times I waited on the edge of a bout eagerly awaiting ‘my turn’ to roll with my professor. I was honestly shocked. I was probably a higher blue or purple belt by then and had never heard this rule before. Did that mean my professor perceive me as rude for ‘calling him out?’ In that same discussion I also learned that you were never to turn down a black belt if they asked you to roll. Why hadn’t anyone ever said anything before?
I stopped asking my professor to roll that day, lest I further offend. I waited to be asked but rarely was. I get it, he probably felt an obligation to roll with with as many of his students as possible, especially those who competed regularly. Who was I to hog his time? I was just a hobbyist, after all. Never would I be able to offer legitimate competition to my male training partners.
Who wants to roll with a girl anyway?
I was always acutely aware that most of my male training partners didn’t see me, at 5’2″ and 130 lbs, as an adequate training partner. Either they had to throttle their own game or they would submit me so many times in match it wasn’t fun or fruitful for either of us. Many would simply turn me down when I asked them to roll in favor of going with someone closer in size, even though I frequently outranked them.
My jiu jitsu game and my confidence both suffered in that night. In that instant, I felt like a burden to the team I’d trained with for years. Had I resigned fully to being asked to roll by the higher ranks I would have spent most of my time pouting on the wall. I already had to be choosy to avoid injury from overeager training partners. The higher ranks had always seemed the ‘safer’ option for me. Now I felt like I didn’t even have that option.
Transitioning from old school to new school
When I started training in 2006 we didn’t have a ranked Black Belt to coach us. Generally classes were small enough that everyone had time to roll with everyone else. Size and rank were irrelevant back then. As our team grew it mostly grew in higher weight classes. At that time, and even many times still today, most of my training partners are 40 pounds or more heavier than me.
I was lucky because my instructor was closer to my size than most. I’d been training with him for years by the time he got his black belt. It honestly never occurred to me that I should refrain from asking him to roll just because of his rank. I paid to attend classes just like everyone else. Was he intentionally hand picking his training partners and I simply never noticed?
It isn’t a call out, it’s a desire to improve
Perhaps in ego fueled classes of days past, a lower rank only called out their professor when they got cocky and thought they could defeat them. Maybe I’m naive and that’s still the case in some gyms. But according to this Reddit thread, maybe not… After training for a decade and a half, I was promoted by my professor to black belt in December of 2022. For years of I’d smashed and (unintentionally) injured by men. I made the intentional decision to cross train more with women even if that meant visiting other gyms.
Even with training partners of the same gender, I’m often still one of the smallest ones on the mat. At some open mats it seems like there’s a target on my back (or around my waist). Those ladies, often blue and purple belts, get after it. At other open mats I could go the whole event sitting on the sides if I didn’t approach other ladies for a roll. I’m guessing that the difference largely comes down to either imposter syndrome or they have been actively coached not to ask a black belt to roll.
Tribalism is an outdated philosophy
When I started training almost 20 years ago there was only one other jiu jitsu ‘club’ in the area. I stuck to my own team and suffered due to a lack of female training partners. Now there are almost 20 gyms sprinkled across the Kansas City metro. Some only have a few women, some have large women’s teams. If another gym offers you the opportunity to cross train at an open mat then take the chance on yourself and go.
There’s a old adage that goes ‘A rising tide raises all ships.’ In jiu jitsu this means that the better your skill, the more you have to offer as a training partner. No one learns or wins in a vacuum. Sharing information is how we all grow. There’s no secret technique that you can hoard to defeat your toughest competition.
Ladies, always ask the black belt to roll
I never achieved accolades on the podium, just progressed through the ranks by sheer persistence and determination. It took me a long time to honor myself in this sport. Part of honoring myself is recognizing that I have a lot of knowledge I can pass on to others. It’s exciting to attend an open mat with even a half dozen other ladies. It doesn’t matter if they are only white or blue belts. I think back on all the ‘lessons’ I learned and can see now that a lot of it was BS.
There’s never a reason to sideline yourself unless it’s of your own choosing. Ladies, ask me to roll. Ask any other higher rank to roll. You may not feel like to you have a lot to offer but that’s only the imposter syndrome talking. The women’s jiu jitsu community is too small to let overly competitive egos gatekeep information. Sure, they could always turn you down for any number of reasons or none at all. If you’re holding back because you think you’ll offend someone by asking you’re only undercutting yourself.
Tips to ask without asking
When I cross train at an unfamiliar gym I try to reach out ahead of time and ask about which classes have the most ladies in attendance. After arriving I make a point to introduce myself to the professor or instructors and thank them for their hospitality. If it’s and open mat I’ll approach the highest ranking ladies and introduce myself. I let them know that I’m happy to train with the women. If there are no women in attendance I ask the instructors which men are a safe roll for me. This is a serious question and generally the professor will hand pick guys for me. It’s simple act that takes having to ask unfamiliar training partners off your shoulders.
WOuld you ask a black belt to roll?
Have you been actively coached not to ask higher ranks to roll? Is this persistent tradition a rule to live by or is it time to let it die?
